Good things - I have finished my BigBang and sent off the first draft. Bri is coming to visit. I am off to see Clarence Darrow starring Kevin Spacey, yay! Bad things, PCH want to visit me urgently, suspect they are no longer gonna knock my house down which means I'll be stuck here. I'm back to work tomorrow, but the good side of this is that I only have 4 days then I am off for two weeks. If I'm stuck here I need to do so much to this house. New kitchen, bathroom, new floorboards, woodwork treatment, plastering, new carpets, new bed and the list goes on. Things to do. revise for my exam. Finish Scarred story. Yep.

It's been a long time, I have no excuses. I'm feeling a bit down, and a bit lonely to be honest. I've put on weight again which just adds to my discontent. My dad has COPD and has been really sickly and I've had to take a lot of responsibility on, while still working full time and doing an ou course. my mum had dementia and it's getting worse and she won't go to the doctors damn it. Things I want 1. Lose weight and get fit 2. Get a new job 3. A new house 4. Win the lottery Yeah if I won the lottery I'd be sorted! Enough moaning!

Rant

No one is watching this blog and that's the way I like it. I can tell it secrets and no one will respond. I have something wrong with my liver, it didn't worry me, I don't know why. I was sent for an ultrasound and they found 'shadows' so now I am worried. I'm waiting for an MRI, the doctor said it could be ulcers but even he sounded unsure. I googled liver cancer and I wish I hadn't. I have one of the late stage symptoms. I'm losing my memory, losing words and now I'm scared. They didn't find one shadow, but several so if it's cancer I'm buggered. Ironically I don't feel ill, but my memory is bad, really bad and it's only been in the last several months that it's been this way. If anyone does happen across this please pray for me, that it might be ulcers or something less worrying than cancer.

Bad blogger redux

So this blogging thing, not going so well. Time is a definite issue, I'm trying to do my ou course and I think that may well have been a mistake. I'm too old and my brain definitely doesn't take things in the way it once did. And essays, oh my God, I cannot motivate myself to do the essays, I hate it. well only 4 and half more essays to go and then I can say I've finished - if I don't throw in the towel. Things that are going slightly better - I'm back on the diet after a Christmas hiatus, and even though I ate everything that wasn't nailed down over the festive period I still managed to lose half a pound. I hope it wasn't delayed weight gain and when I go this week I find out that I've put on half a stone or something. Also I've been doing some writing and I'm quite pleased with that, it's not Shakespeare but it's better than I thought I was capable of. Anyhoo, I have an essay to finish so I'm off to play Zuma's revenge, what? I can procrastinate with the best of them!

It's Chriiiiiiissssstmaaaassss

So I'm really behind with my Christmas preparations, the ham has just gone into the slowcooker and I'm hoping it'll be OK, never cooked it this way before. Still got to wrap presents, and I haven't put my tree up yet. I have my first fic to post on the 3rd so that's exciting and scary, plus I had two beta's so I need to take a look at both of them and decide which one to post or most likely it'll be a hybrid of the two, so that's gonna take a bit of work. I also have an essay due on the tenth of January aaargghhh! Happy Christmas see you in the new year x

update

Well I'm so busy running round like a headless chicken. But here's some news. I have lost one stone five and a half pounds so go me. I'm only about 600ish words behind on my nano, so hopefully i can catch up over the weekend, I've finished my essay and I'm knackered. Now the bad things. My house is a tip so I need to do some serious cleaning, but even though I've finished my essay I'm behind on my reading so I need to catch up on that (for OU not pleasure). Plus I'm knackered, in fact I think I'm gonna go to bed now. Later! x

Bad Blogger continued

So I may not be very good at this blogging malarkey, but in my defence I am very busy. Working, OU stuff, nanowrimo and a bit of reading. I fI'm honest, I'm not spending enough time on the OU stuff but the nano is going well over 24k so I'm ahead of schedule...just. Got the new iphone 4s and I'm getting to know it at the mo. Work tomorrow and an essay to do, didn't do too well on my last one, only 50 so much work to do, hope to get it out of the way this week, if I can work out how to answer the question....wish me luck, I want to get at least 55 this time!

Bad, bad blogger

It's absolutely pissing down here.  I have the day off work and I've been lazy (quelle surprise).  Done a bit of shopping, made some minestrone soup and done a bit of studying.  I had a bad night, woke up at 3.30 and couldn't get back to sleep.  Going to have a hot bath in a mo, as my joints ache.  Back to work tomorrow damn it!

Bad Day

I'm a bit depressed today, so I'm glad no one reads this as I'm going to moan and feel sorry for myself.  My dad has the hospital tomorrow to get the results of a cat scan, he was called today to go up so I'm sure it's bad news.  I get home and there's a letter from the hospital and I have to go back in November and I'm sure I have to have an operation, I did last time.  I hate going under general, it scares me.  Last time my mum was really supportive but now she's away with the fairies and I'm all alone and I hate it.  Don't want to scare the kids.  On another note, I was really saddened to read about Steve Jobs, I caressed my macbook, RIP Steve, you changed my life and made the world a prettier and more productive place.

Hopefully I'll have some good news next time!

Bad blogger

That's me, excuses are: Sister hospitalised, work, my new ou course and bone idleness!.  Sister out of hospital now, and on the way to recovery.  Work is sucking the life out of me, ou stuff exciting but scary. Also joined Slimming World and I weigh a shocking 15stone 4lbs, I have a lot of weight to lose.  Anyhoo tea is cooking (chilli and baked spud) and I'm marvin, so see you later x

Oooh

Shiny new iPhone app!! No excuses now!

Something pretty to look at

Oh what a day

So went to work this morning and got a text from my sis, she was in hospital, did I want to come and sit with her, found out she'd been rushed in with breathing problems (she has copd).  Managed to get time off work, was glad I got up there as she was all by herself, she had a collapsed lung and was awaiting an op to reinflate it, she was all stressed and crying.  Anyhow her hubby finally turned up and so I went home.  She's ok now, in a lot of pain and I'm knackered.  Got to do some ou stuff tomorrow then go visit Julie, then out for mums birthday....grrr, could do without that, plus must nip into town to get her a prezzie/card.  Anyhow, off for an early night x

So it's been 11 days

I suck at this blogging malarkey.  I was at the hospital today, to be prodded and poked.  They ran a few tests, the results will be back in 3 weeks and I may have to have another op, I hope not!  Hmm been writing a bit of fic, had one positive review which bolstered my ego, but nothing since.  I suck at writing really, it's not very good, but I think with a bit of practice it could be ok.  I'm not an English graduate so it may not be grammatically correct or constructed in a way that a literary nazi would like, but I think I have some good ideas so we'll see.  It's a bit of fun anyhow.  I knew all that daydreaming would come in handy.  Still recovering from my chest infection, haven't done any ou stuff so must get my finger out this weekend.  Not gonna do overtime so no excuses.  Still loving my macbook xx

Blimey

God I feel as guilty as fuck, Brian has ordered me a macbook air.  I suspect I may have mithered on abut it a bit, but I wasn't hinting, I was just venting.  I'm really chuffed about it but it's tinged with guilt.  It'll really help me out with my ou course as this laptop is older than hell and I don't think it'll run all the software required.  I have spent much of today (once I got home from overtime) reviewing my ou stuff, I have started reading my learning companion and the next stage is to watch a dvd so I shall probably have a go on that tomorrow.  Had me hair cut today, it's a bit too short and she missed a bit, but it'll grow and I may chop the missed bit off myself.  I need to dye my hair again already, I suspect if I let it grow out I'd be white! I have some sort of bug or virus, I have a sore throat and cack on my chest and it's making me feel miserable, I have dosed up on echinacea and vitamin c so hopefully that'll knock it on the head.  I wore my new hush puppy shoes to work today and they bloody well killed me, I have blisters on my blisters.  They not only hurt my heels but also the top of my feet.  They may not have been the smartest buy I've ever made!  My coat however is fab.  £22 from Trago, properly waterproof and with a zip in fleece, fabulous!!  I haven't got any good books on the go at the mo, I'm considering Stephen King's Mile 81, but I haven't made a decision yet.  Anyway nighty night xx

Tired

So I've been back to work for 3 days and I'm knackered, I wonder when I can have some more time off.  I have to be careful what I say as apparently I'm not allowed to have an opinion about work or discuss it in a public forum.  Ah well all I will say is I am working overtime on Saturday to chip away at my debt.  Hopefully I now have all my debt on interest free for at least a year woohoo.  Still a bit pissy about my prompt on the kink meme but I'm going to have to let that go, it all came back to me as someone responded to the prompt where someone bastardised my prompt by reversing the roles but just copy and pasting the rest.  I'm a bit too tired to be coherent -Brian is in bed, I guess staying up till 4.30 am was a bit much even for him.  Early night for me too xx

You know you're getting old when

You pluck a hair from your nipple and it's over an inch long.  I've really let myself go!! Back on the diet tomorrow x

Edit back to work tomorrow...oh how will I cope?

So I can't sleep.  I was thinking about living alone, I've been on my own for over 10 years now, and I suspect that's the way I'll stay.  I don't mind so much, I mean it would be nice to have someone to talk to, or someone to find me attractive but I am set in my ways and I'm a far nicer person when I'm not in a relationship.  Hmmm it's so late I'm not sure what to say.  I wrote a kink meme prompt and someone stole it and changed the roles and really pissed me off.  It started a big argument on the meme and everyone is supporting me so yay in a way.  Anyhow I'm going to try and get some sleep cos I'm knackered but panicky (not sure why) xx

Well this is my second to last day off work, boohoo.  I'm still in bed and it's past 10am! I'm gonna make the most of it, in a minute I'm going to go to the co op and get some ingredients and make chocolate cheesecake brownies! I just rather naughtily ordered some tops from amazon as I need some work stuff, I need some trousers too.  I still really want a macbook air, I have an obsession with it.  I definitely can't afford it and as I am trying to dig myself out of debt I need to forget about it.  Only a month until I start my ou course, I'm excited and nervous.  Bri has gone back to Cardiff for the weekend so it's quiet and tidy here!! Still got a couple of tiles needing putting down in the bathroom.  I painted the back door yesterday (badly).  I now want to decorate the front room, but it costs so much, is a lot of hassle and mess.  I have seen this lovely black wallpaper for the chimney breast.  I would like to rip up the scabby carpet and put down wood flooring but I don't think I would have the wherewithal to do that.  I would also have to get 2 walls plastered to get rid of the crappy artex and pull off the skirting boards as they are all miss matched.  Finally I would need to cover over the old fireplace with a new surround and fire, so I imagine I'm talking about £500 plus probably closer to £1000.  Ah well a girl can dream! see ya xx

All the leaves are brown

OK I really suck at keeping a blog.  The bathroom is nearly finished just a couple of fiddly tiles to lay and a shower rail to put up, I'm hoping Bri will do those as I am intimidated by the thought of having to cut around the pipes.  Just ordered 50mb broadband and it is a quid cheaper than my 10mb one wtf, that means virgin have been ripping me off for years!! Bri is going back to Cardiff tomorrow :( but he's coming back for the broadband man on the 12th Sept.  God knows when he is going back to Vancouver, I can't ask as I get my head ripped off!  He's nipped down to the Chinese for curry sauce and chips for him and crispy chilli chicken for me.  I've just finished reading Dirty Kiss by Rhys Ford and that was a fab book, I can't wait for the sequel.  I've just started reading Last Chance Ranch by DG Parker and that is really good so far too.  I've enjoyed my reading these last 2 weeks.  I've read a good deal but I've also got a lot done around the house too.  Mowed the back today but the strimmer needs fixing which is a pain. We went to see The Inbetweeners yesterday, it was ok but there were a couple of really funny scenes, the headteachers speech and the dancing!! Anyway sorry about the stream of consciousness but I'm off to enjoy my food x